A Candid Conversation with Coco Chan on Life After Divorce
- Sarah Vee
- Aug 29
- 4 min read
In our latest, we held space for a conversation often spoken about in whispers, one wrapped in societal shame and personal guilt: navigating life after divorce. Guided by the beautiful resilience and wisdom of Coco Alexandra, an entrepreneur, intuitive healer, and a proud single mama, we ventured into the heart of a topic that touches so many.
The virtual room was filled with courage, empathy, and a shared understanding that this is a path no one should walk alone. To protect the space we shared, we are only sharing the key themes and universal questions that arose, while honouring our promise of complete confidentiality for our members and attendees.
The Unspoken Questions We Explored
The call revealed that whether considering divorce, in the midst of it, or years on the other side, the questions we carry are deeply human and often universal.
1. How can I best support a friend who is considering or going through a divorce?
This was a primary concern for many. The answer, offered with great wisdom, was to shift from advisor to listener. The most powerful question you can ask a friend is: “Do you need me to listen right now, or would you like my advice?” This question empowers them to define their needs in the moment. Unsolicited advice, even with the best intentions, can often feel overwhelming. The best support is a non-judgmental ear and a heart that holds space without needing to fix anything.
2. How does someone rebuild trust after infidelity?
This painful question was met with raw honesty. The journey to rebuilding trust is deeply personal and must be a conscious choice made by both partners. From the outside, friends and family can only offer a “sacred mirror,” helping their loved one ask the hard questions they might be avoiding. Ultimately, the decision to stay and rebuild or to leave and heal is a path each individual must choose for themselves, often requiring professional guidance to navigate the complex emotions and broken foundations.
3. Is it possible to convince someone that divorce is the right choice?
This thought came from a place of deep care, watching a loved one remain in a long-term unhappy situation. The difficult truth is that you cannot convince someone to make a change they are not ready for. Everyone is on their own timeline. The most loving thing you can do is to gently offer your perspective when asked, but to release the need to control the outcome. As one voice on the call shared, “You can tell someone what they should do a million times, but they won’t do it until they see it for themselves.”
Powerful Insights from the Other Side
Coco generously shared her personal journey—from leaving a 12-year marriage to rebuilding a joyful life with her daughter—offering practical strategies.
Your Support System is Your Foundation: The number one tip was to consciously build your inner circle before you need it. Be specific in asking for help, whether it’s childcare, a home-cooked meal, or simply a safe place to cry. You don’t have to be a “superwoman”; it’s okay to not be okay.
Co-Parenting with Grace: It is possible to create a new, healthy dynamic for your children. This involves setting clear boundaries (Coco even created her own “Co-Parenting 10 Commandments”), never speaking negatively about the other parent in front of the children, and reassuring them that while the family structure has changed, they are loved as much as ever.
The Gift of Emotional Honesty for Children: Instead of hiding sadness or anger, we can model emotional resilience for our children. It’s okay to cry with them and say, “I’m sad too.” Teaching them tools like yelling into a pillow or shaking out their energy helps them process their big feelings in a healthy way, building their emotional intelligence.
Reclaiming Your Identity: Life after divorce is about rediscovery. It’s a chance to reconnect with what you like, what you want to do, and who you are outside of a partnership. As Coco radiantly proclaimed, it can be the best decision you ever make, leading to a profound sense of self and authentic happiness that radiates to your children.
You Are Not Alone
This call was a powerful reminder that behind the statistics and the stigma, there are real stories of pain, resilience, and incredible strength. If you are on this path, know that your feelings are valid, your journey is your own, and there is a community here to support you without judgment.
A heartfelt thank you to every woman who shared, listened, and held space. Your courage fuels this community.
If you are looking for support on your own journey, you can connect with Coco Alexandra on Instagram for guidance, healing work, and mentorship.
*At Women of Hong Kong, we are committed to creating a safe, confidential, and empowering space for women to connect over life’s most challenging and important topics. Our next community calls will continue these conversations—join us and find an event thats for you!
